Odd how things shift. Newest motivations have been completing Hemingway’s, The Sun Also Rises, as well as other literary works by Whitman and Keats. Inspired to write much more, many thoughts for short stories, maybe plays. Striving to get more organized, and get much more done in a single day than I have been doing. Trying to be more social. Need to be more enthused about exercise. Need to do well in this summer course. Need to find more joys.
I’ve had the hardest past few days emotionally. Not sure what’s going on. Doesn’t make sense for me to be breaking down now during vacation, or with family. Missing that someone to confide in, people showing true selves in maturity, same people same stories… That overwhelming feeling of being no help to anyone. So I do what’s good for me, yeah and that’s what I must continue to do. Patience…
I’ll never really understand why something gets to me when someone tells me, “I care about you”. Family, friends, girls, ahhh! I can’t quite explain how it makes me feel. I guess just an overall sense of disbelief fills me, and I turn red, and I turn away… Yeah, then I want a hug. Then I want to trust them.
Today I got angry. I got worked up, annoyed, furious, and let my temper peak… Yeah, that’s been the first time in quite awhile. Well, I can’t help but wonder what it means. Why all these sudden changes? Still not even 15 hours of sleep this week.
Still I dream images unescapably. Well, I am capable.
Sometimes that scares me most.
After all, I am human. Censorship, numb; who knows in between?