So there goes my life,
Passing by with every exit sign.
It’s been so long,
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong…
No sleep tonight …
I’ll keep on driving these dark highway lines,
And as the moon fades
One more night gone, only twenty more days.
- “Hello, I’m in Delaware”, City & Colour
It’s been a competition meriting apathy, a struggle for who lusts more, a dose of escapism - and I’ve thrived upon it. That’s not me. I recently awoke, and very grateful am I for it. It felt like this thin mesh was keeping me from everything I knew. I am coming home.
At night, I’d dream of luxuries and deceitful passionate ecstasies, oh what I’ve become. What makes a person, truly a person, and not just another animal? We are unique, in this God graced land, we are not to view each other in cages, or anything of the sort. I slipped. Now, I dream of mountain tops and flowing streams, winter pines, and harshly cold breezes.
In meditation, I’ll feel a free flowing figure, I pray to permanently discard this mesh. A winter to test, a winter to observe, and to change focus once again. Beside the fire in our own house, I appreciate all that my family has given me. I will be worthy, someday. For now, I am still learning, with very slow steps. Hesitant paces against the softly packed powder; no one wants to fall alone.
I can, I will.